Entries by date?
Okies, below will start my entries.. and gonna have the most recent at the top, to make it easy on you.. LOL
Please feel free to let me know if you can think of any changes that might help the site, other than me shutting up, cause that will not happen!! LOL
Just send comments or suggestions to the Email link at the bottom :)

01/26/01
Humm.. Really have not had alot to add recently. Most of my thoughts in which might seem to go on here, arn't mine to share alone. Just been doing the day to day thing with work, and trying to sort out my life.. As usual..

11/08/00
Why Bother..
Why bother with life when it seems nothing but a circle in which goes on forever, but never seems to get any better..
Why bother to smile in hopes of making someone's day brighter, when you feel so empty and miserable inside..
Why bother to offer your help to others, when all you get is shoved aside, and your help's not even wanted..
Why bother to continue to exist...
(just something I threw in here, Kinda is a thought.. dunno, take it how you wanna take it.)

11/08/00
Continually doubting something is rather scary. When it's hard to determine if it is from lack of trust, if the situation in doubt is just not right for you, or if it simply stems from self-doubt..
I know with me, I would most likely say it would be self doubt, though I am not sure even about trusting my own judgment in some areas anymore. Wondering if I truly want some something for the right reasons, yet knowing I want that in my life so, SO MUCH, that I don't have any caution left within me to make a good decision.
I know that I want to do, to have, to see happen.. I guess since I do not have total control over the situation, it stems back to self doubt because I am not in control, and have no way to even remotely know what is going to happen.. Guess that just goes back to patience.. Something I severely lack!!

11/06/00
No matter what you try to do in life, there are always going to be hurdles you have to cross. Sometimes the hurdles seem impossible to cross, and you have to ask yourself if it would be worth the effort to see or have what is on the other side, in comparison to everything you have to go through to cross the hurdles in life thrown at you. Sometimes you just simply say forget it, and never look back.. Yet there are other times when you want something so much it scares you NOT to put forth the effort, because then you will always have to worry about the "what ifs".. Most everything is like that I think.. there's no middle ground, it's go all the way, or be left behind in the dust... Me I think I am more than willing and able to just make that flying leap and just go for it.. I think I will be much happier with myself knowing I tried everything I could to cross my hurdles in life. :)

11/04/00
That saying I have heard since I was a child... "if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you it was meant to be".. is nothing but a crock of shit.. LOL.. I Was recently faced with a scenario where it was possible for that saying to come into play.. When it comes right down to it, saying that is SO MUCH easier said than done. Not to mention maybe the one you love doesn't want to be let go... and even tells you as much.. I think whomever came up with that saying, along with anyone who thinks you can live by the "old wives tales" such as that, needs to have their head examined!
Go with your heart and your mind, I think that would serve you a lot better than someone who made up some silly saying, and probably isn't even still alive!

11/03/00
How do you make someone see what is right in front of their face? Something they probably already know, at least in the back of their minds, yet for some reason are not willing to admit to?
You love someone and care what happens to them, and you know they are facing a fall cause they won't open their eyes, and see how someone really is. You have so many different ways to tell this person, so many people who would show and prove to the one you love that if they really looked at the person who could hurt them so much, they would know that this person is so wrong for them, hell, so wrong for anyone.. Yet the only way to do that would break your word of privacy.. You have no way to help this person know the truth without the hurt they might go through if they don't open their eyes soon enough... *sigh* .. guess all you can do is be a true friend and be there for them when and if they get hurt..

10/31/00
Nothing lasts forever, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy a blessing while we have it. If you're always looking ahead wondering when this moment of joy is going to end, you can never know any real pleasure in life.. Take your moment of joy to it's limits and live life thinking that the moment will never end.
Life is filled with moments of wonder, joy and pleasure. If we don't sometimes turn off thoughts of the future, and relish the moment, then we'll have no memory of joy to carry us through the bad times, and no hope for happiness.

10/21/00
We all wonder sometimes where life is going to lead us.. and sometimes wish we had the ability to see into the future and be able determine what choices we should make in life. Well, I have never been one to believe that your future can be determined or what path you should take in life by simply the date you were born on, such as with horoscopes, but hey we ALL read ours from time to time right?
Well, I read mine last night and lemme tell ya.. It spooked me big time! I have a lot going on in my life right now, as far as decisions I should make in my life, on where I want to go with certain things, IF I want to do certain things of if I SHOULD do certain things.. (ya get the idea).. Some are pretty easy, some are not so easy, such as the ones where you want something so bad, it hurts, and that it's the main thing in your conscious and subconscious thoughts.. but between that little nagging voice saying "are you sure this is what you want, do you want this for the right reasons" and the fact that it's not entirely your decision to make, you HAVE to wait and be patient and you are not a patient person to begin with.. Well, that kinda leads to me reading my horoscope last night I WANT to know what is going to happen, in other words, I want answers NOW.. lol..
If i were the type to put faith and believe into horoscopes, i would be lead to believe that one aspect in my life, one decision i have to make (the easy one of course :/ ) will be settled in a very positive way within the next week.. where as the "main" thought, decision has my mind and body in total awareness and wonder will be literally "put on hold" until after the first of the year.. Now please tell me.. HOW IS THIS supposed to help?!?!
Anyhow, Hell if I know, that is all I can say.. Confusion sucks .. lol.. but this is what I thought about today at work... yeah hard job I have huh?? LOL Ok, I am going to stop rambling now...

10/16/00
Uggg.. Had a nice little run-in tonight with my worst fear.. SPIDERS.. roomie and boyfriend was laughing at me.. Oh joy.. LOL, was kinda funny now that I think about it though. But lemme tell ya, I was so scared I was near tears and my pulse was racing!!! Anyone know how one can be so scared of something they have no logical reaon to be afraid of? I mean I was never bit by a spider, or tortured by or with them as a child.. Just scared very very much so of them.. Oh well, since I didn't have anything else to share, thought I would share that.. LOL

10/14/00
Ever get that feeling something is just around the corner, but you don't know what it is? You are on top of the world, and everything is wonderful.. You have a good job, great place to live, you are in love, but you have that nagging feeling in the back of your mind? To me that's life is. You don't know what will happen next, good or bad.. that's Life.. but always remember, if you don't know if it will be good or bad, it's a never ending cirle of questioning and wonder.. Make sure you stick around to find out, you never know what is right around the corner..

Always remember, Life is what you make of it, never be scared to try something new, or to fall in love, because if you do, life will have passed you by and you will always wonder what might have been.

10/14/00
Okies, somehow I messed up the site a little and deleted my previous entries, which lucky for me, were just some that I had pasted from where I had saved them on disk. I will put them back in with a different entry. Just wanted to let you know why it looked different if you had already been here.